Best week of my life!

Where do I start?  So much has happened in the last week.  I will start with Christmas Day at my parents with my mom, dad, sis, bro, Jake, and Payton.  We were all opening gifts and I was opening my gift from my lil sis.  It was a KU shirt with Parker Dean on the front and the back said. Aunt Becky (Godmom).   I began to sob immediately when I saw that.  I was overwhelmed with such love and joy for the nephew I have yet to meet.  I can't describe my elation at the fact that they chose me to be his godmom, a job I take very seriously.  I felt so blessed.  Everyone was laughing at how I went from zero to full on ugly cry in .2 seconds.  I had a wonderful Christmas with my family and was so happy to be able to celebrate with the ones I loved the most.  Fast forward to Dec. 27th, my mom's 60th birthday.  We were all set to go out to dinner and celebrate.  I had a few errands to run so I headed over to Jake's so we could get them done before dinner.   I walked into the house and was messing with a wallet for my bro when Payton comes up to me and says, "Becky, when are you and my dad going to get married?"  I told him I didn't know and asked him why.  He responded with, "Well I think it should be soon" and then he turned and looked at Jake.  Jake smiled, walked over and got down on one knee with a box in his hand.  Then Payton got down on one knee with a box in his hand.  Then it hit me again, the ugly cry.  Jake took my hand and said, "I love you so much.  You are so good to me and such a wonderful stepmom to Payton and we want to spend the rest of our lives with you.  Will you marry us?" Jake put the ring on my finger and  I said yes and then Payton (with tears in his eyes) told me he had something for me too.  He gave me a heart ring with two diamonds on it (one for him and one for his dad).  Payton also has a ring on a necklace to signify our bond.  I cried some more and hugged and kissed my boys.  It was the most special amazing moment.  I have never been happier in my life than this week.  I found out I get to be a Godmom to my nephew and I get to marry the love of my life and start our family together with the best stepson in the whole wide world.  I also have an amazing job that I love, family and friends that I love, and I am starting my doctorate.  God is so good to me and continues to bless me even though I don't deserve it.  So grateful!

Pump Pump Pump it up

Mom is complaining that I haven't blogged in a while so here goes.  We are well into the school year and I am loving my job.  I am so thankful that God always puts me where he wants me.  Today I went to KU medical center and met with an endocrinologist to discuss getting my diabetes under tighter control and get on the track for weight loss.  My a1c was 7.3% down from 7.7%.  I am happy that it has dropped but my goal is to have it under 6.6%.  I know I have a lot of work ahead of me but I am determined to do this.  I cannot move forward with having a child until I get that under control.  Jake and I have been talking about our future (getting married and having kids) and I think we are on the same page.  We want it to happen soon but we also know that I need to get my health under control before we move forward with that.  I am determined to do this.  It is my goal to be in the 6s by my next appt. in Feb.  I will not start trying to have kids until I am at a 6.5% or below.  I am inspired by my lil sis and her amazing journey of hard work and determination to have a child.  I am changing the way I use my pump immediately and meeting with a dietician on Dec. 30th.  I can do this.  My mind is set and I will not fail.  I know that once I am under control and have lost weight, I will feel so much better.  I ask for all your prayers on this journey.  I will be leaning on God to get me through this.  I can't wait to marry the love of my life and grow our family.  I know that God knows the desires of my heart and that he will make a way for me.  Guess this is it for now.  I'll try to update soon. 
Till next time,

Beck

Falling into place

So let me just say that I am in a great place in my life right now.  I love my job.  It is exactly what I hoped and so much more.   Sam, my para, is wonderful.  She is such a self starter and I know she will be a great teacher.  I love my new house.  I feel such a sense of accomplishment.  If I could just sell the old house, I would be able to start putting money back in savings.  I am so excited to become an aunt soon.  I am so proud and thankful that Crys is doing okay and can't wait to go see her in two weeks.  Jake and I are so happy also.  I feel like all that we have been through has made us love and appreciate each other so much.  We have even been discussing marriage and kids lately.  Payton is getting so big.  He is now taking drum, cello, singing and dance lessons.  He is such a great kid and it sometimes pains me at how much he has grown up.  I miss the days of him crying for "my Becky". Sadly, my church closed down.  I will miss it and all the folks every Sunday.  I have been to two new churches the past two Sundays but have yet to find a good fit for me.  I know God will lead me where he wants me.  Mike and Leeanne gave me an elliptical and I am excited to get on there and get some weight off.  Guess I have covered most of the recent blessings in my life for now. 

Till next time,

Beck

Surgery Piece of Cake

So I have been working frantically to get my classroom ready before my surgery.  I got a lot done and am pleased with how things are looking.  Tuesday was my surgery and I was very scared.  Being 36 and never having had a real surgery to having two at once was pretty overwhelming for me.  Luckily my parents were with me every step of the way.  Pops tried to calm me down by cracking jokes while mom shushed him for being to loud in the waiting room.  Once back in the prep area, they struggled to get an IV in.  After 4 sticks and the use of an ultrasound machine to find a vein, they finally found one deep in my upper left arm.  That in, my parents came back and waited with me till surgery.  As they took me back, I assumed they already drugged me up because I don't remember anything past being wheeled away from my daddy.  The next thing I know I am waking up with a breathing mask on my face.  As I came to, they brought my parents back and I got dressed to leave.  My parents brought me home and got me all settled in.  Dad stayed with me while mom went and got me food, bandaids and other goodies.  Pops stayed with me the last two nights.  Mom stayed a bit yesterday and Jake and Pay came over and spent the afternoon with me yesterday.  I don't know what I would do without these people who love me so much.  I am very blessed.  I haven't had too much pain.  The hand has hurt the worst.  Hoping to shower and take the wraps off today.  I can't believe only one more week till I go back to work.  This summer has gone by so fast.  I am ready to start my new position this year but would love another few weeks off to recupe from my surgery.  Just want to thank all of you for the kind words and thoughts and for checkin up on me.  I love you guys!

Till next time,
Beck

Happy Birthday America!

So I had a wonderful 4th of July.   Slept in late (9:30am), lazed around for a bit, got ready and headed over to Jake's house.  Mason  and Payton were playing and being silly all day.  It was good to see both of them having so much fun.  My cousins were my best friends growing up and it is cool to see that in the boys.  In the afternoon, Jake and I took them to get fireworks and then to the Parkville fun fest.   They rode rides and played games and ate yummy food.  Then we came home and shot off fireworks.  After all that, I came home to my house and watched Worlds of Fun fireworks from my recliner.  Now I am sitting here wondering if I will be able to fall asleep with all the folks in my neighborhood still shooting off fireworks.   In other news, Jake and I got back together on June 29th.  We decided to give it another try.  We basically have been dating for a while but nothing was official until the 29th.  I am very happy and he seems to be too.  I am very thankful that God helped us find our way back to each other.  He always seems to make a way when you just trust him.  Jake and I have both grown up a lot and seem to want the same things in life.  I had a great time last weekend with my sis and Dyl in town.  We ate out a lot but luckily I did not gain any weight back.  I am actually down 22.2 since January.  I know it is slow but I am ok with that if it stays off.   I have not been able to exercise with my bum knee so I hope it gets better after my surgery.  I am having knee and wrist surgery on the 30th of this month.  Prayers that it all goes ok.  Jake quit smoking for Payton for his bday.  I am so proud of him.  I hope that after my surgery, we can both start working out and lose some weight.  If I ever want to have a baby, I have to get some weight off.  I guess I have rambled on enough tonight.  Till next time,

Beck

They May Say That I'm A Dreamer

As I write this, I am sitting in my new house just starting the first day of summer break.  I am so blessed.  I am blessed with a home that I am proud of, a rental house with a renter, a job that I love and have a passion for, amazing family and friends, a church who speaks the truth and a real relationship with Christ, a dog who loves me unconditionally and is always happy to see me, my health for the most part, and the ability to achieve my dreams.  There are many things in life that I decided I wanted to achieve and everything I have set out to do seems to all be falling into place.  I even have hope that I will get married and have kids one day (even though I am 36).  I know God has so many plans for me and I've just barely started on the journey he wants me to be on.  There is so so much more to see, do, and be.  I can't wait for the plans he has for me to unfold.  I am so excited to be moving to PreK for next year.  I know this will be such a great change for me.  I think I will love it!  I am very happy that I will still be at Davidson with my best friends.  They are like family to me and I can't imagine being anywhere else.  I will miss Lisa and Dana but know I will still see them at Taco Night and other get togethers.  I had a great birthday and celebrated with my friends coming over to see my new house.  We sat and chatted and snacked and had a good time.    Payton also had a great bday.  Sara, Tony, and the kids came up from Wichita and we were so happy to see them.  It is hard to believe Payton is 10 years old.  The years have flown by.  Jake and I have gotten closer over the last few months.  We seem to have a much better friendship and treat each other with love and respect.  It's nice to be back to that after all that we went through.  Again, God has a plan and I don't know if he wants Jake and I to get back together or not but it seems like he is paving the way for us.  No matter if that happens or not, I am happy to know that we will always have a strong bond.  On another note, I am 13 chapters in to the book I am writing (my memoir of teaching).  I am so excited and am hoping for at least 20 chapters and to be done by December of this year.  I hope people like it and it is as good as I think it is.  lol   My dad has decided to possibly retire this November.  I know this has been a hard decision for him and I can only imagine his internal struggle with it.  See my pops is a worker, a go getter, a guy who can't just sit around and do nothing most of the time.  It will be difficult for him to not have a job to go to every day.   Not to mention the fact that he worries so much about his family and always wants to make sure he is able to help them if they need it.  I know God will make a way for him and he will be ok.  Well I think I've rambled on enough for one entry.  Besides I have got stuff to do before Crys and Dyl get here this afternoon.  I can't wait to spend the weekend with them.  I will try not to wait as long to update the blog.
Till next time,

Beck

Never Alone

So last Sunday at church, I sang a song for Payton called Never Alone.  It is a song about how you're never alone because the person is always in your heart no matter where you are.  It is a beautiful song.  I always close my eyes when I sing so when I opened them halfway through the song, I saw that Payton was crying and wiping his eyes.  This is a pretty unusual reaction for a 9 year old boy in front of an entire church crowd.  Payton is no ordinary 9 year old boy.  He is so astute and he has such a tender heart.  Yesterday when I picked him up from the sitter, I asked him why he had cried.  He said that the song showed him how much I loved him and that he was crying tears of joy.  I about started bawling again.  I told him he was right that I loved him so so much and that I would always love him no matter what.  We also talked about how I would never try to replace his mom because I know how special she is to him but that even though I didn't give birth to him, I loved him like he was my own child.  He said he knew that and we changed the conversation.  I will never be able to put into words how much my heart soared yesterday.  I know that Payton knows how much I love him and that no matter where I am and where he is or how many years older he gets, that I will always love him times a million to the moon and back. 
     In other news, I met with my principals about my new PreK position for next year and I am so so so excited about what is to come for me.  I cannot wait to start my new job.  35 school days left of being a Kindergarten teacher.  It is exciting and at the same time a little bittersweet.  I will miss my team but will be excited to branch out on my own (with an aide) and see what sorts of great things I can bring to PreK.  I am also very thankful for my PreK contacts who are going to be a huge support system for showing me the ropes as I take this new journey. 
     On another note, not sure what is going on with the house I put an offer on.  My offer was accepted and then another buyer put an offer in and they said they would take the highest bid.  I was angry and frustrated at this and have contacted several folks to help me in this situation.  Claire McCaskill's office is putting a federal inquiry into Fannie Mae about this.  I am not sure if that will help or not but I am standing on principle here.  I know God will put me where he wants me so I am just trying not to worry and trust in him.  I am very excited for all of the amazing things going on in my life.  I have lost 19lbs.  I feel great and have started Couch to 5K.  I feel so blessed.  I am so ready for what life has in store for me.  I always had this plan that I wanted to get married and have a few kids and although I still want those things desperately, I am trusting the plan that God has for me.  That may not be in the cards for me.   As heartbreaking as that may be, I will trust his plan whatever that is.    Till next time,

Beck

This Girl Is On Fire

So it has been a tough few months for my family.  My little sister miscarried earlier this month.  It is one of the hardest things our family has been through. Some may wonder why I was so upset or why I was feeling so glum for so long but not only was I so so so sad for the loss of this child who was to be my niece or nephew but I was totally devastated for the pain my sis and her hubs were going though.  I know how much they want a child and how hard they have had to work at it.  I am inspired by their faith and committment to Christ through this terrible tragedy.  It is so hard to see people who take pregnancy for granted and have babies in terrible conditions and then see my sis and bro who so  want a baby and work so hard at it and would do anything to have a child go through something so horrible.  It is something that I am working on praying about so that my heart is not bitter.  I know good things will happen for them and they will get the desires of their heart in God's own perfect time but that doesn't always make it easy when dealing with such a delicate loss. 
During this rough time, I had a spring break and really just needed to get away from KC for a while and try to relax.  This has been an extremely tough year for me in many ways and I just needed a break from all of it.  I was able to go to South Carolina with my mom and we had as good of a time as we could with both of us missing my sis and wishing she was with us.  I was glad to get away but also glad to get back home.  Right before I left, I interviewed for the PreK position at Davidson next year.  It was tough for me because I was up against some very close friends and I didn't want any of us to get hurt by not getting the job.  I really really wanted it though.  I just needed a change.  I am pleased to report that after an hour long interview, I was notified within the next 30 min. that I was being offered the position.  I was elated but it was also bittersweet as I was bummed for my friends.  As I have always said, God always puts me where he wants me so I believe in my heart that this is what he wanted for me.  I am so grateful for the opportunity ahead and know that great things are to come next year.  On another very exciting note, I am in the process of purchasing a new home not far from my current home.  It is a much bigger house and much much nicer than my current one.  I have worked hard for 13 years and saved up and I think I have earned it.  I am so excited to be able to have my friends over to hang out (my current house is way to small to do this).  God is so good and his blessings are overflowing in my life.  I cannot wait to see what else he has in store for me if I trust in him.  I had a great night out with my oldest and dearest friend last night.  We chatted for 3 and a half hours about everything under the sun.  I miss her so much.  We def. do not see each other enough.  That is going to change.  I am very thankful for all my friends and family right now esp. the ones who have been there for me in the good and bad times, not judging or talking about me behind my back.  I am thankful for the true people in my life.  They are the ones who matter the most.  I will keep you all posted on any new happenings with the house or new job.

Till next time,
Beck

God is so so good.

So Friday I had to go in for a single balloon enteroscopy.  I was pretty nervous about the procedure just cause I have never been put out before.  Dad took me and we prayed together in the waiting room before they took me back to a room.  Then, they put an IV in after two tries.  (My poor arms look like pin cushions)  Finally they took me back to do the procedure.  I was trying to be strong and not cry so as not to upset my pop.  The doctor was very nice and the anesthesiologist said this will sting a bit and then you will be asleep.  I began to pray and then I was out.  I woke up later and the procedure was all done.  The doc came in and told me all was well and I didn't have anything serious.  They think I had viral bacterial enteritis last week and that is why I went into the hospital.  They did not seem worried about it.  I guess I am all better now.  Yay!  I am ready to get back to my routines and working out.  I am going to start slowly and work my way back up.  I am so excited that I am going to be an aunt. I keep seeing things that I want to buy for the baby but I have kept my cool and only bought one thing so far.  On the work front, I put in for a transfer to early childhood.  I am really hoping to get the PreK position at Davidson but I know others have applied for that as well.    I am trusting that God will put me where he wants me.  One of my student's sister was in an accident this weekend.  She fell and hit her head and is in the hospital with a blood clot on her brain.  I am praying for this family and hope that all turns out well.  Jake and I put Pay's drums together today and I think we did pretty good for having never done that before.  There are a few things we couldn't figure out so Zerl is supposed to come over soon and help us finish it up.  So Valentine's Day is coming soon and it looks as though I'll be flying solo once again.  :(  If so, I am taking myself out for a massage.  I deserve it!  Till next time,

Beck

Sick and tired of being sick and tired!!!

So thought I should update everyone on my current health crisis!  On Monday night, I was having severe stomach pains and bloating (third time this has happened and the 2nd time this month) so my mom took me to the ER.  After sitting in the er for over an hour, I began to vomit over and over from the pain.  After another half an hour in the waiting room, they took me back to a curtain.  After another 30 min of nurses and docs coming in to look at me and talk to me, they gave me some pain meds.  The did a cat scan.   They told me my jueojenum (sp) was swollen and irritated, a bile duct in my gall bladder was swollen and irritated and that I had fluid in my belly.  They decided to admit me.  After a long night of restless sleep, I spent most of Tuesday with no food as they were trying to decide what tests to run on me.  Finally at 2:30 in the afternoon I was allowed to eat.  A doctor came to see me at 5:30pm and told me that the next day they would be doing an MRCP (MRI of my belly) and a pervic ultrasound.  I was like ok.  So after another restless night in a hospital bed, (and me having to call my dad to bring my wrist band to me at 1:30am because my carpal tunnel had made my hand go numb and hurt so bad that I could not sleep) they came to get me a 9:30 for the MRCP.  They had given me ativan to calm me down but it didn't work and I went into a screaming fit when they put me in the MRI tube.   They pulled me back out and gave me more ativan and waited 15 more minutes.  I still felt like I was gonna freak but I knew I had to get through it and that I did with thoughts of my lil sis and her baby.  I just focused on that and prayed for God to help me make it through.  After what seemed like an eternity (40 min.)  they pulled me out and took me back upstairs to my pop.  Next I waited for about 30 more min. until they came to get me for the next test which I thought would be a breeze.  Once I got down for what I thought was just an ultrasound, I was informed that once they located the fluid in my belly they would drain it with a needle/catheder.  I tried not to hyperventilate.  After 3 different ladies had ultrasounded my belly, they announced that there was not enough fluid to drain. (Big sigh of relief here!!!)  They wheeled me back up to my pops who was waiting and praying that I would make it through the procedure (he knew the whole time that they were planning to drain my tummy but didn't want to scare me by telling me).  Again we waited until the doc came in to tell me the results of the MRCP.  He said that the swelling had gone down and everything looked good.   (OK great, now what is wrong with me?)  They wanted me to have another test called and enteroscopy (a camera down my throat into my small intestine to look at it and take a biopsy of the lining) .  Sounds like a total blast huh?   I said ok let's do it.  Ummm, sorry I can't squeeze you in until Monday.   Gee thanks!  I explained that I wanted to go back to work and the doc said I could leave if there was no stomach pain.  I wanted to get the heck out of the hospital.  He left and so did my dad and I waited for discharge papers.  My momma came to pick me up and I called the nurse to tell her I was ready to blow this popscicle stand.  They got my papers and let me out and me and momma went to get the 19 (okay 3) medicines that put me on.  My appt. for the enteroscopy is scheduled for next Friday morning where my mom or dad will have to drive me since I will be sedated during the procedure and unable to drive afterwards.   Since I've been out, my left hand and wrist have swollen up and are in intense pain.  I think the IV leaked into the tissues in my arm and wrist and that is causing the swelling and pain.  Hope it goes away soon!  While in the hospital, my dad came to my house and took care of my dog and my dishes (pretty great huh?) and my mom doted on me and has tried to stock me with  things I am able to eat (she's the best!) since they put me on a low fiber diet.  I am ticked about this because alot of my healthy foods, (salads, fresh fruits and veggies, wheat bread, etc.. ) are high in fiber.  Also I've been instructed (by my dad) to take it easy with no major workouts.  I'm hoping this doesn't put too much of a damper on my weight loss plan.  I am trying to eat as healthy as possible without taking in too much fiber.  I don't want to let my team down.  Praying that all goes well this next week and that the test shows something next Friday (nothing too serious just something that is easily treated) so I can stop wondering.  Thanks to all of you for the calls, texts, emails, flowers, visits, and prayers!   I love you and am blessed to have you all in my life.  I am also extremely blessed to have the most amazing parents a girl could ask for.  They take good care of me and love me so much.  I would have been even more of a wreck had they not been here to take care of me and keep me calm. (except for the air bubble drama and the freak out in the MRI machine!)  Quit laughing dad!  I love you both and am so thankful for all that you do for me.  I hope you both know how much I appreciate you.  It's times like these where you realize who and what is important in life.   Thanks to all of my important ones!  You know who you are!  <3 p="">
Till next time,

Beck

Fat Be Gone

     So my mom keeps hounding me to post more often.  I am going to make my best effort to post monthly.  I started the Pound Plunge Weight Loss challenge with my cousin and a few friends and I am down 9.6 lbs in two weeks.  I am on my way. After weighing in, I went straight over to the gym and worked out.  2 miles on the treadmill and 1 mile on the bike for a total time of 47 min.  I am also doing weight watchers.   Plus on Mondays, I am trying Yoga.  I hated it but paid for two more sessions to force myself to go.  I am so proud of my resolve and dedication to this.  I vow to lose 80 lbs even if it takes me a year.   My hope is to lose it by July 9th.  That will be 6 mos. and I think that is a reasonable goal as long as I keep at this.  My goal is to lose 3-4 lbs a week.  I am so thankful that my cousin asked me to do this because it was just the motivation that I needed. 
     In other news, Sunday I woke up to a broken fridge.  I had to miss church but lucky for me my Aunt had a fridge for me and my dad was able to help move the old one out and the new one in.  Not sure what I would do without my pops.  He is always there when I need him.  So tonight after the gym, I went to the store and replaced all my healthy groceries that I had lost in the broken fridge fiasco.  So glad that God makes a way for things.  Even though I missed church on Sun. morning, my momma, pops, grammie, and I all went to my Uncle's church.  Technically it is not my Uncle's anymore as he is retired and another great man has taken over.  However, it will always be Uncle Ron's church to me.  It was good to see all the family and friends there and be in the presence of the Holy Spirit. 
     On the school front, I have applied for PreK in the district for next year.  I would prefer the PreK at Davidson but I know God will place me where he wants me.  I am also taking the Early Childhood Sped test on Sat. with Lisa and fingers crossed that goes well so it will add to my options. 
     Sadly a friend from my church passed away last night.  I am very sad for his wife and family.  I know what it feels like to lose someone you love so much.  It is an ache that is so deep, you feel like it will never go away.  All I can say is it gets better with God.  I am praying that he will comfort Bro. Ron's family and give them peace.
     Lastly, my sis and bro n law are on Round Two of their first treatment to try and have a baby.  They should know soon if it worked.  If not, it looks like they will be going the route of IVF which is very costly.  Again I know, God will make a way for them.  He always provides.  I am praying it is in his will for them to have a child soon.   I want a baby niece!  A nephew would be good too!  ;-)
     I guess this is all for now.  I will leave you with this.  The other night, I had just finished doing 1 full hour on the treadmill and when I came upstairs, Payton was standing there.  I told him I just did an hour of workout and he said, "You look skinnier already esp. in your arms!"   Gotta love that kid!

Till next time,

Beck

New Year New Me 2013

Guess I had better start this year off right and blog huh?  As my mom would say, "You haven't blogged in  a while!"  So this one is for you mom!  So after much thought and prayer, I have come up with my New Year's Resolutions for 2013: 1. Do not depend on anyone else for my happiness.(I seem to do this too much now and my disappointment builds with every let down.)  If I am responsible for my own happiness, I can blame no one but myself if things don't do the way I want them.    2. Be a better, more loving, kind, thoughtful person to others.  (We talk about this alot in church but this year, I am really going to try to do this more and to not excpect anything in return.)  3. Make better life choices for my health and get back to the person I know I can be. (I am more unhealthy than ever and weigh my highest weight in my life currently.  I know I will feel so much better and have better luck with #1 if I take my health back.)  4. Be more thankful for all the blessings as well as the tribulations in my life.(It is very easy to be thankful when things are going good in life but not so easy when things are rough.  I am going to use those opportunities to draw closer to God.)  5. Speak my mind more but never in a hurtful way.   (Often times, I want to make my point and don't care who I hurt to do that.  From now on, while speaking how I feel, I am going to be conscious of others feelings in doing so.)  6. Put God first in all things.(Things would be so much easier if I just did this.)  7. Tell friends and family that I love them more. (I have the most amazing friends and famiily and I don't tell or show them enough how much I love them.)  8. Be active and not sedentary. (When I think of how much time I spend in the recliner or laying around watching tv, I am sickened.  Life is what we make of it and I am making it a waste.)  9. Do two things I have always wanted to do but never took the time. (I am trying to learn to play the guitar and take some photography classes.  I've always wanted to do those two things.)  10. Write a book.(I actually started this a few days ago.  I am writing a memoir from my 13 years so far as a teacher.  Look for it to be finished and published in Dec. of 2013!)  There are a lot of other things I want to do but this is a good starting list and definitely the most important ones for my happiness and well being.   To all my friends and family reading this, I love you!  Look for updates this year in my 2013 journey to happiness and great health!

Till next time,

Beck