One Year Ago

One year ago, my little sister was getting ready to get married.  In 2 days, it will be her one year anniversary.  So happy for her and Dyl.  They have made a good life in NM even though I miss them like crazy.  Wow, a lot has happened in a year.  I broke up with Jake and told him to move out.  I have lost 22.5lbs.  I have had the worst Kdgn. class of my career.  I have started dating again.  I have found my way back to God.  I go to church religiously on Wed. and Sun. and I volunteer with the Mission and Harvesters.  I feel like my life is finally back on track.  I am finally happy for the first time in several years.  Sadly, I wish I would have ended things with Jake a lot earlier than I did.  For some reason, I just kept trying to hang on--thinking he would change or we could work things out.  When really, we were never meant to be.  I wish I would have realized that a few years ago and saved us all some heartache and pain.  Not to mention money.  The hardest part of all of this is the lack of time with Payton and watching him get shuffled back and forth, seeing the effects that it is having on him and seeing his behavior worsen.  :(  I love him so much and want the best for him. He told me the other day that he didn't want another step-mom, only me.  It was really sweet and it brought tears to my eyes.  I know it is hard for him to understand that his parents are divorced and now his dad and I are no longer together and he just doesn't get all of it.  I just want him to know how much I love him and always will.  My dad is also not doing so great--he is having a lot of touble with his back and hips.  I am sure he will eventually need surgery if he will ever let them do it.  He is in almost constant pain and it is really bad at night--most nights he can't sleep because of it.  :(  He just takes on so much and has so much to do and worry about.  I worry about him.  We had a great Easter.  Sissy came up from NM and the whole fam. came to church with me and it was really great.  I loved that they came down there and Pay was there too.  :)  I taught the Sun. school class for the kiddos cause Leeanne was in Amsterdam visiting Mary.  We planted flowers in cups and the kids did really good.  We are nearing the end of school --only 20 days left and there is so much left to do.  I hope I get it all done.  Well this is it till next time.......

Beck