Hopes, Dreams, and the Bucket List

Lots to say.   Here goes nothing.  So after much prayer and consideration, I have put in an inquiry about adopting a child.  It took a long time and a lot of prayer to come to this decision.  I have wanted to have a child for a long time but being single and doing that is kinda hard.  I thought about artificial insemination but decided against that for multiple reasons.  I decided that there are so many kids in the world that need a loving home, and I have that to offer.  I am also in the middle of contemplating my future as a teacher at Davidson.  Morale is so low and it is not the school/job I once loved so much.  I am looking into other opportunities but one thing is for sure, I am unhappy currently so I need to do something.  Also, due to all the stress at work, I have put on weight and am nearing my heaviest ever.  It is frustrating and depressing.  I promised I would not let myself get this way again.  I have resolved to get my life and health back on track.  Lucky for me, Jake wants to turn his basement into a workout area so we will work at it together.  We both want to change our health for the better.  I am working on getting my house in order too. I have cleaned and emptied the dining room and am going to take it one room at a time.  It is time to purge my life of junk.  I also have a ton of clothes to donate so I need to get that organized.  Dad and I were talking about renovating and building on to my house in the spring.  I realize that if I am going to be single and live here, I want to make it something I am proud of and that I can have friends over to.   So as you can see, I have a ton of hopes and dreams.  I seem to change my mind daily about this or that but these things, I think I have finally settled on.  At 35 years old, it is time to live my life and quit waiting around for something to live it for me.  I have to do what will make me happy.  On a lighter note, I am thinking of taking guitar lessons or youtubing and teaching myself to play.  I also want to get a good camera and try out photography.  Why not?  I am going to do all the things I have ever wanted.  Time for me to start that bucket list.  Since yesterday was Thanksgiving, I just wanted to end with all the things I am thankful for in no particular order:  my parents who taught me to go for my dreams and not let anything stop me, my sister who is my best friend and knows when to cry with me or when to tell me to quit feeling sorry for myself and make my life better, my gram for all the wonderful stories and love, my bro in law for always keeping me on my toes and for loving my sister the way she deserves, Payton for being such a great kid and loving me like his stepmom, Jake for knowing just what to say and when to say it, my church family for their love and acceptance, my friends for standing by me and listening, my dog Barks for his unconditional love,  and most of all for my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ who loves me despite the mess that I am.

Guess this is it for now.  Till next time,

Beck

God is great.

So as usual, it has been awhile since I have written.  I had an amazing summer.  I started by teaching K2K in June, traveled to NM and CA in July and enjoyed some time with my sis and my friend Amity and her boys.   I truly love CA.  It is beautiful there and if it wasn't so far away from my family and friends, I would live there.  I then spent the rest of my summer hanging with Jake and Pay and then ended with my sis spending a week in KC.  I had so much fun with her.  We even went and looked at a house that I fell in love with.  Not sure if I can afford it so I am looking into that.  I will post again once I know more.  In other news, Payton is entering the 4th grade this year and I feel like time has flown by.  Seems like just yesterday I was changing his diapers.  I love that kid so much and am so glad that Jake and I have remained friends and I am able to see Pay as often as I do.   So, tonight was Back to School night at Davidson and I have a whopping 24 kids this year.  They seem pretty good for the most part but there are just so many of them.  We will be tripping over each other in my little classroom.  I trust God is going to help me stay positive and do the best job I can with those kiddos this year.  Four people whom I love very much are trying to have babies and I am praying daily that this dream will come true for them.  I know God will give them the desires of their heart if they trust in him completely.  Crystal/Dyl, Lisa/Matt, I love you guys and have faith that you will get your wish.  I can't wait to watch the wonderful miracles occur for all of you.  Also sending prayers out to my friend Karen at work.  I believe God will get you through this trial and you will be okay.  The last 3 weeks, some ladies from the church and I have been serving sack lunches to homeless folks in NKC.  It has given me such a different outlook on life.  It makes me so grateful for how blessed my life is.  It also makes me sad at all of the things that I take for granted--eating, showering, sleeping in a warm bed with a roof over my head.  I just want to ask prayers for Jim, Michael, Jeff, Tim, Rose, Brandi, Joseph, Lee and all the others (whose names I don't know) that live on the streets.  May God's will be done in their lives and may they be blessed ten fold.  I lost my Aunt Lorine this week and even though I wasn't super close to her, I had such a sadness in my heart for her family left behind.  She was such a loving, kind, faithful to the Lord woman.  I only hope that my faith shines as bright as hers did one day.  I am very sad for my Uncle Sam.  He lost the love of his life, with whom he's been with for 70 years.  I know that he trusts that the Lord will get him through this and he also has very loving children who will take care of him.  God, I just hope that I can trust you with every decision in my life because I know you will never leave me nor forsake me.  You will not lead me astray.  I see all my friends with their kids growing up and going to school and I long for that day in my life.  Maybe it is not in God's plan for me.  I don't know but I do know that I have to trust him on this if I want to be truly happy and fulfilled.   Okay so I guess I need to close this up.  Praying for a good school year for me and my colleagues Dana and Ryan.  Lord give us strength to make it through all the changes in K and provide a fun and successful learning environment for our kids.  I guess I had a lot to pray for this time around.  
Till next time,
Beck

A Change Gonna Come

Well as usual I have waited too long to blog.  There is so much to talk about, I may run out of room.  In the last 6 months, I have:   had a personal trainer and lost some weight, went back to school for my EdS in administration, applied at other school districts, gained a new baby cousin, and began to evaluate my life.   I have been slacking on the working out lately but am determined to get back at it.  I think I may take more time off before taking another class--just not sure if I am doing the right thing going back right now.  I really want to teach PreK but was passed up by my district so I applied at Liberty Public Schools.  I would hate to leave my friends but sometimes wonder if I am in the right place.  My cousin Heather had a beautiful baby boy--Cecil Hunter Wise.  I love that kid.  He is so precious!  My life--where do I begin?   Hmmmmm------------I want more out of my life.  I want a bigger home to entertain friends and family.  I want to do more in education.  I want to be a better Christian.  My Lord deserves that.  I want to have a fairytale kind of love.  I want a family of my own.   I love my independence but it gets lonely all by myself.     I still love Jake with all my heart but just don't know if we are supposed to be together.  I don't want to fall back into our old ways and both of us be miserable again.  I wish things could be like they were in the beginning for us but maybe that is not what God wants for me.  I have to trust that he will lead me where I am supposed to be and with whom he wants me to be with.  It is sometimes hard to do this but I know that my God will take care of me.   Payton is getting so big and grown up and I can't believe he is in the 3rd grade.  He is such an amazing kid and it makes me proud to think I may have had a little bit to do with that.  Currently, I am sick with darn old bronchitis.  It sucks.  The doc says I have to miss the next two days of work.  I feel like I am so behind already with all the end of the year stuff.  Mom and dad are good.  I can honestly say that I am so so lucky to have them.  They help me at the drop of a hat.  They support me in my decisions even if they don't agree with them.  They have raised me with strong morals and values.  I couldn't ask for better parents.  They are the best.  I wish they would start going to church.  I know that Ma and Pa Wheeler and Grampie Calvert would be dancing in heaven if mom and dad went back to church.  I guess I have to trust that God is working on that to.  I miss my sister so much but know that God has his hand on her life.  I want her to be happy and know that even in the hard times, God will get her through.  I want her to trust that he has a plan for her and Dyl and really do his will.  She is such an amazing girl and I am so proud of her.  Let me not forget Grammie.  She is as onery as ever.  I love her so much and am so lucky to be able to be so close to her.  Wow,  I think I have babbled on enough for tonight.  I will ask you all to pray for me.  Pray that I listen to God and trust what he wants for my life.  Pray that I will do more as a Christian to spread the Gospel.  Pray that I will be the friend, sister, daughter, granddaughter, cousin, teacher, and Christian that I am supposed to be.  Pray that I will always give 100% and never settle for less from myself or anyone else. 

Till next time,
Beck