Best week of my life!

Where do I start?  So much has happened in the last week.  I will start with Christmas Day at my parents with my mom, dad, sis, bro, Jake, and Payton.  We were all opening gifts and I was opening my gift from my lil sis.  It was a KU shirt with Parker Dean on the front and the back said. Aunt Becky (Godmom).   I began to sob immediately when I saw that.  I was overwhelmed with such love and joy for the nephew I have yet to meet.  I can't describe my elation at the fact that they chose me to be his godmom, a job I take very seriously.  I felt so blessed.  Everyone was laughing at how I went from zero to full on ugly cry in .2 seconds.  I had a wonderful Christmas with my family and was so happy to be able to celebrate with the ones I loved the most.  Fast forward to Dec. 27th, my mom's 60th birthday.  We were all set to go out to dinner and celebrate.  I had a few errands to run so I headed over to Jake's so we could get them done before dinner.   I walked into the house and was messing with a wallet for my bro when Payton comes up to me and says, "Becky, when are you and my dad going to get married?"  I told him I didn't know and asked him why.  He responded with, "Well I think it should be soon" and then he turned and looked at Jake.  Jake smiled, walked over and got down on one knee with a box in his hand.  Then Payton got down on one knee with a box in his hand.  Then it hit me again, the ugly cry.  Jake took my hand and said, "I love you so much.  You are so good to me and such a wonderful stepmom to Payton and we want to spend the rest of our lives with you.  Will you marry us?" Jake put the ring on my finger and  I said yes and then Payton (with tears in his eyes) told me he had something for me too.  He gave me a heart ring with two diamonds on it (one for him and one for his dad).  Payton also has a ring on a necklace to signify our bond.  I cried some more and hugged and kissed my boys.  It was the most special amazing moment.  I have never been happier in my life than this week.  I found out I get to be a Godmom to my nephew and I get to marry the love of my life and start our family together with the best stepson in the whole wide world.  I also have an amazing job that I love, family and friends that I love, and I am starting my doctorate.  God is so good to me and continues to bless me even though I don't deserve it.  So grateful!

Pump Pump Pump it up

Mom is complaining that I haven't blogged in a while so here goes.  We are well into the school year and I am loving my job.  I am so thankful that God always puts me where he wants me.  Today I went to KU medical center and met with an endocrinologist to discuss getting my diabetes under tighter control and get on the track for weight loss.  My a1c was 7.3% down from 7.7%.  I am happy that it has dropped but my goal is to have it under 6.6%.  I know I have a lot of work ahead of me but I am determined to do this.  I cannot move forward with having a child until I get that under control.  Jake and I have been talking about our future (getting married and having kids) and I think we are on the same page.  We want it to happen soon but we also know that I need to get my health under control before we move forward with that.  I am determined to do this.  It is my goal to be in the 6s by my next appt. in Feb.  I will not start trying to have kids until I am at a 6.5% or below.  I am inspired by my lil sis and her amazing journey of hard work and determination to have a child.  I am changing the way I use my pump immediately and meeting with a dietician on Dec. 30th.  I can do this.  My mind is set and I will not fail.  I know that once I am under control and have lost weight, I will feel so much better.  I ask for all your prayers on this journey.  I will be leaning on God to get me through this.  I can't wait to marry the love of my life and grow our family.  I know that God knows the desires of my heart and that he will make a way for me.  Guess this is it for now.  I'll try to update soon. 
Till next time,

Beck

Falling into place

So let me just say that I am in a great place in my life right now.  I love my job.  It is exactly what I hoped and so much more.   Sam, my para, is wonderful.  She is such a self starter and I know she will be a great teacher.  I love my new house.  I feel such a sense of accomplishment.  If I could just sell the old house, I would be able to start putting money back in savings.  I am so excited to become an aunt soon.  I am so proud and thankful that Crys is doing okay and can't wait to go see her in two weeks.  Jake and I are so happy also.  I feel like all that we have been through has made us love and appreciate each other so much.  We have even been discussing marriage and kids lately.  Payton is getting so big.  He is now taking drum, cello, singing and dance lessons.  He is such a great kid and it sometimes pains me at how much he has grown up.  I miss the days of him crying for "my Becky". Sadly, my church closed down.  I will miss it and all the folks every Sunday.  I have been to two new churches the past two Sundays but have yet to find a good fit for me.  I know God will lead me where he wants me.  Mike and Leeanne gave me an elliptical and I am excited to get on there and get some weight off.  Guess I have covered most of the recent blessings in my life for now. 

Till next time,

Beck

Surgery Piece of Cake

So I have been working frantically to get my classroom ready before my surgery.  I got a lot done and am pleased with how things are looking.  Tuesday was my surgery and I was very scared.  Being 36 and never having had a real surgery to having two at once was pretty overwhelming for me.  Luckily my parents were with me every step of the way.  Pops tried to calm me down by cracking jokes while mom shushed him for being to loud in the waiting room.  Once back in the prep area, they struggled to get an IV in.  After 4 sticks and the use of an ultrasound machine to find a vein, they finally found one deep in my upper left arm.  That in, my parents came back and waited with me till surgery.  As they took me back, I assumed they already drugged me up because I don't remember anything past being wheeled away from my daddy.  The next thing I know I am waking up with a breathing mask on my face.  As I came to, they brought my parents back and I got dressed to leave.  My parents brought me home and got me all settled in.  Dad stayed with me while mom went and got me food, bandaids and other goodies.  Pops stayed with me the last two nights.  Mom stayed a bit yesterday and Jake and Pay came over and spent the afternoon with me yesterday.  I don't know what I would do without these people who love me so much.  I am very blessed.  I haven't had too much pain.  The hand has hurt the worst.  Hoping to shower and take the wraps off today.  I can't believe only one more week till I go back to work.  This summer has gone by so fast.  I am ready to start my new position this year but would love another few weeks off to recupe from my surgery.  Just want to thank all of you for the kind words and thoughts and for checkin up on me.  I love you guys!

Till next time,
Beck

Happy Birthday America!

So I had a wonderful 4th of July.   Slept in late (9:30am), lazed around for a bit, got ready and headed over to Jake's house.  Mason  and Payton were playing and being silly all day.  It was good to see both of them having so much fun.  My cousins were my best friends growing up and it is cool to see that in the boys.  In the afternoon, Jake and I took them to get fireworks and then to the Parkville fun fest.   They rode rides and played games and ate yummy food.  Then we came home and shot off fireworks.  After all that, I came home to my house and watched Worlds of Fun fireworks from my recliner.  Now I am sitting here wondering if I will be able to fall asleep with all the folks in my neighborhood still shooting off fireworks.   In other news, Jake and I got back together on June 29th.  We decided to give it another try.  We basically have been dating for a while but nothing was official until the 29th.  I am very happy and he seems to be too.  I am very thankful that God helped us find our way back to each other.  He always seems to make a way when you just trust him.  Jake and I have both grown up a lot and seem to want the same things in life.  I had a great time last weekend with my sis and Dyl in town.  We ate out a lot but luckily I did not gain any weight back.  I am actually down 22.2 since January.  I know it is slow but I am ok with that if it stays off.   I have not been able to exercise with my bum knee so I hope it gets better after my surgery.  I am having knee and wrist surgery on the 30th of this month.  Prayers that it all goes ok.  Jake quit smoking for Payton for his bday.  I am so proud of him.  I hope that after my surgery, we can both start working out and lose some weight.  If I ever want to have a baby, I have to get some weight off.  I guess I have rambled on enough tonight.  Till next time,

Beck

They May Say That I'm A Dreamer

As I write this, I am sitting in my new house just starting the first day of summer break.  I am so blessed.  I am blessed with a home that I am proud of, a rental house with a renter, a job that I love and have a passion for, amazing family and friends, a church who speaks the truth and a real relationship with Christ, a dog who loves me unconditionally and is always happy to see me, my health for the most part, and the ability to achieve my dreams.  There are many things in life that I decided I wanted to achieve and everything I have set out to do seems to all be falling into place.  I even have hope that I will get married and have kids one day (even though I am 36).  I know God has so many plans for me and I've just barely started on the journey he wants me to be on.  There is so so much more to see, do, and be.  I can't wait for the plans he has for me to unfold.  I am so excited to be moving to PreK for next year.  I know this will be such a great change for me.  I think I will love it!  I am very happy that I will still be at Davidson with my best friends.  They are like family to me and I can't imagine being anywhere else.  I will miss Lisa and Dana but know I will still see them at Taco Night and other get togethers.  I had a great birthday and celebrated with my friends coming over to see my new house.  We sat and chatted and snacked and had a good time.    Payton also had a great bday.  Sara, Tony, and the kids came up from Wichita and we were so happy to see them.  It is hard to believe Payton is 10 years old.  The years have flown by.  Jake and I have gotten closer over the last few months.  We seem to have a much better friendship and treat each other with love and respect.  It's nice to be back to that after all that we went through.  Again, God has a plan and I don't know if he wants Jake and I to get back together or not but it seems like he is paving the way for us.  No matter if that happens or not, I am happy to know that we will always have a strong bond.  On another note, I am 13 chapters in to the book I am writing (my memoir of teaching).  I am so excited and am hoping for at least 20 chapters and to be done by December of this year.  I hope people like it and it is as good as I think it is.  lol   My dad has decided to possibly retire this November.  I know this has been a hard decision for him and I can only imagine his internal struggle with it.  See my pops is a worker, a go getter, a guy who can't just sit around and do nothing most of the time.  It will be difficult for him to not have a job to go to every day.   Not to mention the fact that he worries so much about his family and always wants to make sure he is able to help them if they need it.  I know God will make a way for him and he will be ok.  Well I think I've rambled on enough for one entry.  Besides I have got stuff to do before Crys and Dyl get here this afternoon.  I can't wait to spend the weekend with them.  I will try not to wait as long to update the blog.
Till next time,

Beck

Never Alone

So last Sunday at church, I sang a song for Payton called Never Alone.  It is a song about how you're never alone because the person is always in your heart no matter where you are.  It is a beautiful song.  I always close my eyes when I sing so when I opened them halfway through the song, I saw that Payton was crying and wiping his eyes.  This is a pretty unusual reaction for a 9 year old boy in front of an entire church crowd.  Payton is no ordinary 9 year old boy.  He is so astute and he has such a tender heart.  Yesterday when I picked him up from the sitter, I asked him why he had cried.  He said that the song showed him how much I loved him and that he was crying tears of joy.  I about started bawling again.  I told him he was right that I loved him so so much and that I would always love him no matter what.  We also talked about how I would never try to replace his mom because I know how special she is to him but that even though I didn't give birth to him, I loved him like he was my own child.  He said he knew that and we changed the conversation.  I will never be able to put into words how much my heart soared yesterday.  I know that Payton knows how much I love him and that no matter where I am and where he is or how many years older he gets, that I will always love him times a million to the moon and back. 
     In other news, I met with my principals about my new PreK position for next year and I am so so so excited about what is to come for me.  I cannot wait to start my new job.  35 school days left of being a Kindergarten teacher.  It is exciting and at the same time a little bittersweet.  I will miss my team but will be excited to branch out on my own (with an aide) and see what sorts of great things I can bring to PreK.  I am also very thankful for my PreK contacts who are going to be a huge support system for showing me the ropes as I take this new journey. 
     On another note, not sure what is going on with the house I put an offer on.  My offer was accepted and then another buyer put an offer in and they said they would take the highest bid.  I was angry and frustrated at this and have contacted several folks to help me in this situation.  Claire McCaskill's office is putting a federal inquiry into Fannie Mae about this.  I am not sure if that will help or not but I am standing on principle here.  I know God will put me where he wants me so I am just trying not to worry and trust in him.  I am very excited for all of the amazing things going on in my life.  I have lost 19lbs.  I feel great and have started Couch to 5K.  I feel so blessed.  I am so ready for what life has in store for me.  I always had this plan that I wanted to get married and have a few kids and although I still want those things desperately, I am trusting the plan that God has for me.  That may not be in the cards for me.   As heartbreaking as that may be, I will trust his plan whatever that is.    Till next time,

Beck

This Girl Is On Fire

So it has been a tough few months for my family.  My little sister miscarried earlier this month.  It is one of the hardest things our family has been through. Some may wonder why I was so upset or why I was feeling so glum for so long but not only was I so so so sad for the loss of this child who was to be my niece or nephew but I was totally devastated for the pain my sis and her hubs were going though.  I know how much they want a child and how hard they have had to work at it.  I am inspired by their faith and committment to Christ through this terrible tragedy.  It is so hard to see people who take pregnancy for granted and have babies in terrible conditions and then see my sis and bro who so  want a baby and work so hard at it and would do anything to have a child go through something so horrible.  It is something that I am working on praying about so that my heart is not bitter.  I know good things will happen for them and they will get the desires of their heart in God's own perfect time but that doesn't always make it easy when dealing with such a delicate loss. 
During this rough time, I had a spring break and really just needed to get away from KC for a while and try to relax.  This has been an extremely tough year for me in many ways and I just needed a break from all of it.  I was able to go to South Carolina with my mom and we had as good of a time as we could with both of us missing my sis and wishing she was with us.  I was glad to get away but also glad to get back home.  Right before I left, I interviewed for the PreK position at Davidson next year.  It was tough for me because I was up against some very close friends and I didn't want any of us to get hurt by not getting the job.  I really really wanted it though.  I just needed a change.  I am pleased to report that after an hour long interview, I was notified within the next 30 min. that I was being offered the position.  I was elated but it was also bittersweet as I was bummed for my friends.  As I have always said, God always puts me where he wants me so I believe in my heart that this is what he wanted for me.  I am so grateful for the opportunity ahead and know that great things are to come next year.  On another very exciting note, I am in the process of purchasing a new home not far from my current home.  It is a much bigger house and much much nicer than my current one.  I have worked hard for 13 years and saved up and I think I have earned it.  I am so excited to be able to have my friends over to hang out (my current house is way to small to do this).  God is so good and his blessings are overflowing in my life.  I cannot wait to see what else he has in store for me if I trust in him.  I had a great night out with my oldest and dearest friend last night.  We chatted for 3 and a half hours about everything under the sun.  I miss her so much.  We def. do not see each other enough.  That is going to change.  I am very thankful for all my friends and family right now esp. the ones who have been there for me in the good and bad times, not judging or talking about me behind my back.  I am thankful for the true people in my life.  They are the ones who matter the most.  I will keep you all posted on any new happenings with the house or new job.

Till next time,
Beck

God is so so good.

So Friday I had to go in for a single balloon enteroscopy.  I was pretty nervous about the procedure just cause I have never been put out before.  Dad took me and we prayed together in the waiting room before they took me back to a room.  Then, they put an IV in after two tries.  (My poor arms look like pin cushions)  Finally they took me back to do the procedure.  I was trying to be strong and not cry so as not to upset my pop.  The doctor was very nice and the anesthesiologist said this will sting a bit and then you will be asleep.  I began to pray and then I was out.  I woke up later and the procedure was all done.  The doc came in and told me all was well and I didn't have anything serious.  They think I had viral bacterial enteritis last week and that is why I went into the hospital.  They did not seem worried about it.  I guess I am all better now.  Yay!  I am ready to get back to my routines and working out.  I am going to start slowly and work my way back up.  I am so excited that I am going to be an aunt. I keep seeing things that I want to buy for the baby but I have kept my cool and only bought one thing so far.  On the work front, I put in for a transfer to early childhood.  I am really hoping to get the PreK position at Davidson but I know others have applied for that as well.    I am trusting that God will put me where he wants me.  One of my student's sister was in an accident this weekend.  She fell and hit her head and is in the hospital with a blood clot on her brain.  I am praying for this family and hope that all turns out well.  Jake and I put Pay's drums together today and I think we did pretty good for having never done that before.  There are a few things we couldn't figure out so Zerl is supposed to come over soon and help us finish it up.  So Valentine's Day is coming soon and it looks as though I'll be flying solo once again.  :(  If so, I am taking myself out for a massage.  I deserve it!  Till next time,

Beck

Sick and tired of being sick and tired!!!

So thought I should update everyone on my current health crisis!  On Monday night, I was having severe stomach pains and bloating (third time this has happened and the 2nd time this month) so my mom took me to the ER.  After sitting in the er for over an hour, I began to vomit over and over from the pain.  After another half an hour in the waiting room, they took me back to a curtain.  After another 30 min of nurses and docs coming in to look at me and talk to me, they gave me some pain meds.  The did a cat scan.   They told me my jueojenum (sp) was swollen and irritated, a bile duct in my gall bladder was swollen and irritated and that I had fluid in my belly.  They decided to admit me.  After a long night of restless sleep, I spent most of Tuesday with no food as they were trying to decide what tests to run on me.  Finally at 2:30 in the afternoon I was allowed to eat.  A doctor came to see me at 5:30pm and told me that the next day they would be doing an MRCP (MRI of my belly) and a pervic ultrasound.  I was like ok.  So after another restless night in a hospital bed, (and me having to call my dad to bring my wrist band to me at 1:30am because my carpal tunnel had made my hand go numb and hurt so bad that I could not sleep) they came to get me a 9:30 for the MRCP.  They had given me ativan to calm me down but it didn't work and I went into a screaming fit when they put me in the MRI tube.   They pulled me back out and gave me more ativan and waited 15 more minutes.  I still felt like I was gonna freak but I knew I had to get through it and that I did with thoughts of my lil sis and her baby.  I just focused on that and prayed for God to help me make it through.  After what seemed like an eternity (40 min.)  they pulled me out and took me back upstairs to my pop.  Next I waited for about 30 more min. until they came to get me for the next test which I thought would be a breeze.  Once I got down for what I thought was just an ultrasound, I was informed that once they located the fluid in my belly they would drain it with a needle/catheder.  I tried not to hyperventilate.  After 3 different ladies had ultrasounded my belly, they announced that there was not enough fluid to drain. (Big sigh of relief here!!!)  They wheeled me back up to my pops who was waiting and praying that I would make it through the procedure (he knew the whole time that they were planning to drain my tummy but didn't want to scare me by telling me).  Again we waited until the doc came in to tell me the results of the MRCP.  He said that the swelling had gone down and everything looked good.   (OK great, now what is wrong with me?)  They wanted me to have another test called and enteroscopy (a camera down my throat into my small intestine to look at it and take a biopsy of the lining) .  Sounds like a total blast huh?   I said ok let's do it.  Ummm, sorry I can't squeeze you in until Monday.   Gee thanks!  I explained that I wanted to go back to work and the doc said I could leave if there was no stomach pain.  I wanted to get the heck out of the hospital.  He left and so did my dad and I waited for discharge papers.  My momma came to pick me up and I called the nurse to tell her I was ready to blow this popscicle stand.  They got my papers and let me out and me and momma went to get the 19 (okay 3) medicines that put me on.  My appt. for the enteroscopy is scheduled for next Friday morning where my mom or dad will have to drive me since I will be sedated during the procedure and unable to drive afterwards.   Since I've been out, my left hand and wrist have swollen up and are in intense pain.  I think the IV leaked into the tissues in my arm and wrist and that is causing the swelling and pain.  Hope it goes away soon!  While in the hospital, my dad came to my house and took care of my dog and my dishes (pretty great huh?) and my mom doted on me and has tried to stock me with  things I am able to eat (she's the best!) since they put me on a low fiber diet.  I am ticked about this because alot of my healthy foods, (salads, fresh fruits and veggies, wheat bread, etc.. ) are high in fiber.  Also I've been instructed (by my dad) to take it easy with no major workouts.  I'm hoping this doesn't put too much of a damper on my weight loss plan.  I am trying to eat as healthy as possible without taking in too much fiber.  I don't want to let my team down.  Praying that all goes well this next week and that the test shows something next Friday (nothing too serious just something that is easily treated) so I can stop wondering.  Thanks to all of you for the calls, texts, emails, flowers, visits, and prayers!   I love you and am blessed to have you all in my life.  I am also extremely blessed to have the most amazing parents a girl could ask for.  They take good care of me and love me so much.  I would have been even more of a wreck had they not been here to take care of me and keep me calm. (except for the air bubble drama and the freak out in the MRI machine!)  Quit laughing dad!  I love you both and am so thankful for all that you do for me.  I hope you both know how much I appreciate you.  It's times like these where you realize who and what is important in life.   Thanks to all of my important ones!  You know who you are!  <3 p="">
Till next time,

Beck

Fat Be Gone

     So my mom keeps hounding me to post more often.  I am going to make my best effort to post monthly.  I started the Pound Plunge Weight Loss challenge with my cousin and a few friends and I am down 9.6 lbs in two weeks.  I am on my way. After weighing in, I went straight over to the gym and worked out.  2 miles on the treadmill and 1 mile on the bike for a total time of 47 min.  I am also doing weight watchers.   Plus on Mondays, I am trying Yoga.  I hated it but paid for two more sessions to force myself to go.  I am so proud of my resolve and dedication to this.  I vow to lose 80 lbs even if it takes me a year.   My hope is to lose it by July 9th.  That will be 6 mos. and I think that is a reasonable goal as long as I keep at this.  My goal is to lose 3-4 lbs a week.  I am so thankful that my cousin asked me to do this because it was just the motivation that I needed. 
     In other news, Sunday I woke up to a broken fridge.  I had to miss church but lucky for me my Aunt had a fridge for me and my dad was able to help move the old one out and the new one in.  Not sure what I would do without my pops.  He is always there when I need him.  So tonight after the gym, I went to the store and replaced all my healthy groceries that I had lost in the broken fridge fiasco.  So glad that God makes a way for things.  Even though I missed church on Sun. morning, my momma, pops, grammie, and I all went to my Uncle's church.  Technically it is not my Uncle's anymore as he is retired and another great man has taken over.  However, it will always be Uncle Ron's church to me.  It was good to see all the family and friends there and be in the presence of the Holy Spirit. 
     On the school front, I have applied for PreK in the district for next year.  I would prefer the PreK at Davidson but I know God will place me where he wants me.  I am also taking the Early Childhood Sped test on Sat. with Lisa and fingers crossed that goes well so it will add to my options. 
     Sadly a friend from my church passed away last night.  I am very sad for his wife and family.  I know what it feels like to lose someone you love so much.  It is an ache that is so deep, you feel like it will never go away.  All I can say is it gets better with God.  I am praying that he will comfort Bro. Ron's family and give them peace.
     Lastly, my sis and bro n law are on Round Two of their first treatment to try and have a baby.  They should know soon if it worked.  If not, it looks like they will be going the route of IVF which is very costly.  Again I know, God will make a way for them.  He always provides.  I am praying it is in his will for them to have a child soon.   I want a baby niece!  A nephew would be good too!  ;-)
     I guess this is all for now.  I will leave you with this.  The other night, I had just finished doing 1 full hour on the treadmill and when I came upstairs, Payton was standing there.  I told him I just did an hour of workout and he said, "You look skinnier already esp. in your arms!"   Gotta love that kid!

Till next time,

Beck

New Year New Me 2013

Guess I had better start this year off right and blog huh?  As my mom would say, "You haven't blogged in  a while!"  So this one is for you mom!  So after much thought and prayer, I have come up with my New Year's Resolutions for 2013: 1. Do not depend on anyone else for my happiness.(I seem to do this too much now and my disappointment builds with every let down.)  If I am responsible for my own happiness, I can blame no one but myself if things don't do the way I want them.    2. Be a better, more loving, kind, thoughtful person to others.  (We talk about this alot in church but this year, I am really going to try to do this more and to not excpect anything in return.)  3. Make better life choices for my health and get back to the person I know I can be. (I am more unhealthy than ever and weigh my highest weight in my life currently.  I know I will feel so much better and have better luck with #1 if I take my health back.)  4. Be more thankful for all the blessings as well as the tribulations in my life.(It is very easy to be thankful when things are going good in life but not so easy when things are rough.  I am going to use those opportunities to draw closer to God.)  5. Speak my mind more but never in a hurtful way.   (Often times, I want to make my point and don't care who I hurt to do that.  From now on, while speaking how I feel, I am going to be conscious of others feelings in doing so.)  6. Put God first in all things.(Things would be so much easier if I just did this.)  7. Tell friends and family that I love them more. (I have the most amazing friends and famiily and I don't tell or show them enough how much I love them.)  8. Be active and not sedentary. (When I think of how much time I spend in the recliner or laying around watching tv, I am sickened.  Life is what we make of it and I am making it a waste.)  9. Do two things I have always wanted to do but never took the time. (I am trying to learn to play the guitar and take some photography classes.  I've always wanted to do those two things.)  10. Write a book.(I actually started this a few days ago.  I am writing a memoir from my 13 years so far as a teacher.  Look for it to be finished and published in Dec. of 2013!)  There are a lot of other things I want to do but this is a good starting list and definitely the most important ones for my happiness and well being.   To all my friends and family reading this, I love you!  Look for updates this year in my 2013 journey to happiness and great health!

Till next time,

Beck

Hopes, Dreams, and the Bucket List

Lots to say.   Here goes nothing.  So after much prayer and consideration, I have put in an inquiry about adopting a child.  It took a long time and a lot of prayer to come to this decision.  I have wanted to have a child for a long time but being single and doing that is kinda hard.  I thought about artificial insemination but decided against that for multiple reasons.  I decided that there are so many kids in the world that need a loving home, and I have that to offer.  I am also in the middle of contemplating my future as a teacher at Davidson.  Morale is so low and it is not the school/job I once loved so much.  I am looking into other opportunities but one thing is for sure, I am unhappy currently so I need to do something.  Also, due to all the stress at work, I have put on weight and am nearing my heaviest ever.  It is frustrating and depressing.  I promised I would not let myself get this way again.  I have resolved to get my life and health back on track.  Lucky for me, Jake wants to turn his basement into a workout area so we will work at it together.  We both want to change our health for the better.  I am working on getting my house in order too. I have cleaned and emptied the dining room and am going to take it one room at a time.  It is time to purge my life of junk.  I also have a ton of clothes to donate so I need to get that organized.  Dad and I were talking about renovating and building on to my house in the spring.  I realize that if I am going to be single and live here, I want to make it something I am proud of and that I can have friends over to.   So as you can see, I have a ton of hopes and dreams.  I seem to change my mind daily about this or that but these things, I think I have finally settled on.  At 35 years old, it is time to live my life and quit waiting around for something to live it for me.  I have to do what will make me happy.  On a lighter note, I am thinking of taking guitar lessons or youtubing and teaching myself to play.  I also want to get a good camera and try out photography.  Why not?  I am going to do all the things I have ever wanted.  Time for me to start that bucket list.  Since yesterday was Thanksgiving, I just wanted to end with all the things I am thankful for in no particular order:  my parents who taught me to go for my dreams and not let anything stop me, my sister who is my best friend and knows when to cry with me or when to tell me to quit feeling sorry for myself and make my life better, my gram for all the wonderful stories and love, my bro in law for always keeping me on my toes and for loving my sister the way she deserves, Payton for being such a great kid and loving me like his stepmom, Jake for knowing just what to say and when to say it, my church family for their love and acceptance, my friends for standing by me and listening, my dog Barks for his unconditional love,  and most of all for my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ who loves me despite the mess that I am.

Guess this is it for now.  Till next time,

Beck

God is great.

So as usual, it has been awhile since I have written.  I had an amazing summer.  I started by teaching K2K in June, traveled to NM and CA in July and enjoyed some time with my sis and my friend Amity and her boys.   I truly love CA.  It is beautiful there and if it wasn't so far away from my family and friends, I would live there.  I then spent the rest of my summer hanging with Jake and Pay and then ended with my sis spending a week in KC.  I had so much fun with her.  We even went and looked at a house that I fell in love with.  Not sure if I can afford it so I am looking into that.  I will post again once I know more.  In other news, Payton is entering the 4th grade this year and I feel like time has flown by.  Seems like just yesterday I was changing his diapers.  I love that kid so much and am so glad that Jake and I have remained friends and I am able to see Pay as often as I do.   So, tonight was Back to School night at Davidson and I have a whopping 24 kids this year.  They seem pretty good for the most part but there are just so many of them.  We will be tripping over each other in my little classroom.  I trust God is going to help me stay positive and do the best job I can with those kiddos this year.  Four people whom I love very much are trying to have babies and I am praying daily that this dream will come true for them.  I know God will give them the desires of their heart if they trust in him completely.  Crystal/Dyl, Lisa/Matt, I love you guys and have faith that you will get your wish.  I can't wait to watch the wonderful miracles occur for all of you.  Also sending prayers out to my friend Karen at work.  I believe God will get you through this trial and you will be okay.  The last 3 weeks, some ladies from the church and I have been serving sack lunches to homeless folks in NKC.  It has given me such a different outlook on life.  It makes me so grateful for how blessed my life is.  It also makes me sad at all of the things that I take for granted--eating, showering, sleeping in a warm bed with a roof over my head.  I just want to ask prayers for Jim, Michael, Jeff, Tim, Rose, Brandi, Joseph, Lee and all the others (whose names I don't know) that live on the streets.  May God's will be done in their lives and may they be blessed ten fold.  I lost my Aunt Lorine this week and even though I wasn't super close to her, I had such a sadness in my heart for her family left behind.  She was such a loving, kind, faithful to the Lord woman.  I only hope that my faith shines as bright as hers did one day.  I am very sad for my Uncle Sam.  He lost the love of his life, with whom he's been with for 70 years.  I know that he trusts that the Lord will get him through this and he also has very loving children who will take care of him.  God, I just hope that I can trust you with every decision in my life because I know you will never leave me nor forsake me.  You will not lead me astray.  I see all my friends with their kids growing up and going to school and I long for that day in my life.  Maybe it is not in God's plan for me.  I don't know but I do know that I have to trust him on this if I want to be truly happy and fulfilled.   Okay so I guess I need to close this up.  Praying for a good school year for me and my colleagues Dana and Ryan.  Lord give us strength to make it through all the changes in K and provide a fun and successful learning environment for our kids.  I guess I had a lot to pray for this time around.  
Till next time,
Beck

A Change Gonna Come

Well as usual I have waited too long to blog.  There is so much to talk about, I may run out of room.  In the last 6 months, I have:   had a personal trainer and lost some weight, went back to school for my EdS in administration, applied at other school districts, gained a new baby cousin, and began to evaluate my life.   I have been slacking on the working out lately but am determined to get back at it.  I think I may take more time off before taking another class--just not sure if I am doing the right thing going back right now.  I really want to teach PreK but was passed up by my district so I applied at Liberty Public Schools.  I would hate to leave my friends but sometimes wonder if I am in the right place.  My cousin Heather had a beautiful baby boy--Cecil Hunter Wise.  I love that kid.  He is so precious!  My life--where do I begin?   Hmmmmm------------I want more out of my life.  I want a bigger home to entertain friends and family.  I want to do more in education.  I want to be a better Christian.  My Lord deserves that.  I want to have a fairytale kind of love.  I want a family of my own.   I love my independence but it gets lonely all by myself.     I still love Jake with all my heart but just don't know if we are supposed to be together.  I don't want to fall back into our old ways and both of us be miserable again.  I wish things could be like they were in the beginning for us but maybe that is not what God wants for me.  I have to trust that he will lead me where I am supposed to be and with whom he wants me to be with.  It is sometimes hard to do this but I know that my God will take care of me.   Payton is getting so big and grown up and I can't believe he is in the 3rd grade.  He is such an amazing kid and it makes me proud to think I may have had a little bit to do with that.  Currently, I am sick with darn old bronchitis.  It sucks.  The doc says I have to miss the next two days of work.  I feel like I am so behind already with all the end of the year stuff.  Mom and dad are good.  I can honestly say that I am so so lucky to have them.  They help me at the drop of a hat.  They support me in my decisions even if they don't agree with them.  They have raised me with strong morals and values.  I couldn't ask for better parents.  They are the best.  I wish they would start going to church.  I know that Ma and Pa Wheeler and Grampie Calvert would be dancing in heaven if mom and dad went back to church.  I guess I have to trust that God is working on that to.  I miss my sister so much but know that God has his hand on her life.  I want her to be happy and know that even in the hard times, God will get her through.  I want her to trust that he has a plan for her and Dyl and really do his will.  She is such an amazing girl and I am so proud of her.  Let me not forget Grammie.  She is as onery as ever.  I love her so much and am so lucky to be able to be so close to her.  Wow,  I think I have babbled on enough for tonight.  I will ask you all to pray for me.  Pray that I listen to God and trust what he wants for my life.  Pray that I will do more as a Christian to spread the Gospel.  Pray that I will be the friend, sister, daughter, granddaughter, cousin, teacher, and Christian that I am supposed to be.  Pray that I will always give 100% and never settle for less from myself or anyone else. 

Till next time,
Beck

Willpower

So I have been eating all almost 99% raw/organic for the last 2 and a half weeks and I feel pretty good but have only lost about 5.5 lbs so I am a bit discouraged.  Was hoping the weight would come off faster.  Guess I should buckle down a bit more.  School seems to be going well.  My class is pretty good--just really chatty and a bit onery.  On another note, spent most of the weekend with Jake and Payton helping them move to their new house.  Jake is renting from Robert and Missy.  I had a lot of fun hanging with them.  Payton is getting so big and is so smart.  I have missed hanging with them.  My sister got baptized this weekend and I am overjoyed for her.  I know she was happy to do it and I am proud of her for overcoming her anxiety and giving more to God!  Things seem to be going good right now.  I have been listening to lots of music and this is a cover of the new Lady Gaga song that I really like.  Check it out.

Till next time,

Beck

Green Lemonade Anyone?

So, I am about to embark on a new journey into unknown territory for me.  I am going to start eating raw, organic, healthy foods.  I know it sounds crazy but after some recent bad news from the doctor, a trip to the er, some health scares, and my obesity, I feel there is no other option but to go big or go home as the case may be.  I made a trip to Green Acres Market this evening and spent a whopping $245.00 on raw organic foods.  I plan to start full force tomorrow.  I will juice my breakfast, do a fruit mid morning snack, salad for lunch, juice or fruit for afternoon snack (organic of course) and then an organic dinner (whole wheat pasta with organic seeds of change sauce).  This is the sort of routine I want to get into.  I thought about doing a juice fast but with my diabetes, I wasn't sure I could do that and maintain good blood sugar levels so I am trying this route.  It is a lot healthier than what I have been eating.  I also think this is something that I will be able to manage and stick to.  It will be a lifestyle change but one that I am ready for and that is definitely long overdue!  I have been reading the Raw Food Detox Diet by Natalia Rose and it has great recipes and ideas in it for how to go raw and organic.  I have also joined a facebook group Kansas City Raw Food Union and folks on that are very supportive and helpful.  I am encouraged, ready, and excited for this change.  This all started for me after I got the health news a month or so ago and shared it with my friend Kellie.  She told me of a friend who did something similar and got very healthy and seemed to get his life back.  Then I read my friend Jim's fb posts about how well he was doing with juicing and going raw and so I new that I needed to do this for myself.  It is time.  So wish me luck friends and say some prayers.  I will need them.  Oh and don't invite me out for pizza unless they serve organic food or salads!  :-)  lol  

Till next time,

Beck

I Will Not Accept That

It is the end of June and I feel like I haven't even had a summer yet.  I have been busy teaching summer school K2K.  My kids are little, immature, and onery but I am actually really enjoying the K2K experience.  I love knowing who some of the kiddos are before the fall.  My sis is in town and it has been so fun spending time with her and the fam.  We went to Ray LaMontagne at Starlight and he was amazing.  He even played my song--Let it be me!  I was so happy!  Love spending time with sissy!  Sadly, cousin Brent passed away this week and we went to his funeral yesterday.  Very sad for his wife, two kids, Uncle Ron, and sister Cheryl.  Breaks my heart to see them all so sad and missing their Bubba.  He was such a good man too and it is hard to understand the whys of this.  We just have to have faith that God knows and we have to trust in him.  I had a great time last weekend at Payton's bday party with the Dollins clan.  I can't believe Pay is 8--seems like just yesterday I was changing his diapers and he was latched onto my leg everywhere I took him.  I miss those times.  A recent email from a former person in my life made me reevaluate everything I stood for.  It made me look at myself and the values that I have and then after careful thought and prayer, I came to the conclusion that forgiveness does not mean fellowship.  I can forgive someone for wronging me but not allow them back into my life. After all, light has no fellowship with darkness and this person was a cloud of darkness in my life at one time.  I can forgive but not forget.  I will not accept anything less than what I deserve.  I won't accept someone telling me that they have made mistakes but that is what life is about right:?---Ummmm no!  Life is about learning from the mistakes we may make.  Was that your attempt at an apology?  If so, it wasn't very good.  I forgive but I will never ever forget. 

Till next time,

Beck

If you want to make a difference in the world, be a teacher.

Isn't this what President Obama just said a few months ago in his address to the nation.  Now  MO is trying to pass Bill 372 in the Senate which challenges that very statement to the core.  I have been on a writing frenzy tonight.  I wrote so many politicians that my fingers are beginning to hurt from all the typing.  Here is the letter I wrote.  I hope someone listens.


I am writing you in regards to MO Senate Bill 372.  I strongly urge you to take a long hard look at this bill and how it will NEGATIVELY affect the education system here in MO.  It will not "get out" the bad teachers as many think but instead cause many of your best teachers to leave the profession.  For instance,  for someone like me who has been teaching for 11 years, I will go back to probationary status and be given a contract based 50% on a yearly performance based evaluation and 50% on student performance data. So all my years of service, my hard work, my diligence, my thousands of dollars in education expenses for a master's degree to better myself as an educator will now mean nothing. All that matters is how I rate with my administrator and how well my kids test. If I don't score or my kids don't score high enough, I may take a $20,000 paycut. That's right--$20,000. Sorry, I chose to teach at a school where the kids sometimes come to school and haven't eaten since lunch the day before or may not have a home to sleep in so the last thing they care about is some TEST!!!! Teaching isn't just about scores---it is about loving, nurturing, inspiring, advocating for, and yes facilitating learning for children.  We all know that there are SOME bad teachers out there but why must the good ones be punished too? Now teachers will be competing to be at the top tier. Do you think those bad unethical teachers won't cheat to get themselves there? That will leave us honest hardworking teachers who truly want success for our kids at the bottom!  What jobs are out there that didn't first require the love, nurturing and hard work of a teacher?  The solution is not to institute performance based pay but to improve the teacher evaluation system currently in place.  Get administrators in buildings and in classrooms more to see what their teachers are teaching and how well they are teaching it.  Not only am I angry but my heart hurts at the injustice I see!  I beg you to consider how much this will affect teacher collaboration.  Who will want to share great teaching ideas and strategies for fear that some one will out perform you and you will be left at a lower tier?  How does this benefit our children?  Simple--it doesn't.  Nothing about this bill is beneficial.  There are so many things wrong with it.  I am scared for our schools, scared for our teachers, scared for our future, and most of all, I am scared for our children if this bill is voted through.  Please fight to keep this bill from becoming reality.  Please show your support for every hardworking teacher in MO.  Let our voices be heard.  Show us and our students that you truly care about our education system.  Thank you for your time.

Becky Calvert
Davidson Elementary
NKCSD
(816)797-9676 cell
(816)413-4879 school

Not sure if that letter will reach the right people or make a difference but I won't stop fighting for what is right, what is logical, what is just.  I deserve it, my colleagues deserve it, but most of all my kids deserve it!

Till next time,

Beck

I Won't Let Go

So I know it has been awhile since I last wrote but as usual I have procrastinated and let many things happen so that this blog will probably be one giant ramble of incoherentness.  Sorry for that.  Is that even a word or did I just make it up?  Anyhoo, the last few months have been full of twists and turns and ups and downs as is my life.  I have really been trying to focus on church and getting closer to the Lord and through this I see how short I fall daily.  I am so undeserving of God's Love and yet he gives it to me so freely.  I feel like I have wasted so much of my life worrying about such insignificant things when some are struggling to feed, clothe and house themselves.  I have all of these things and I take them for granted so much.  I have made so many mistakes and I have finally decided it is time to get over myself and try to have a heart like Jesus.  This I struggle so much with.  It is so easy to have a good heart towards family, friends, and even strangers in need.  It is not easy to have a good heart towards those who have wronged me, disrespected me, lied to me, are rude, fake, or do not have a heart for the Lord themselves but I have learned that those are the ones who need it the most.  I just struggle with this and being judgemental so much.  I am really trying to give it over to God because I know only he can help me overcome my failures.  
In other news, my sis was up for a week for Spring Break and that was amazing!  We had so much fun and I really enjoyed all the time spent with my family.  I am so blessed to have such an amazing family.  Crys and I did a lot of shopping and just hanging out and it was tons of fun.  Nothing takes the place of the bond that my sis and I have and nothing ever will.  Will and Amber are getting married in a little over a month and I am going to be a bridesmaid so I am excited about that.  It is going to be a lot of fun.  Grammy has been sick and I worry about her.  I hate seeing her down and not able to get around. 
Next topic to be updated:  Jake and I have been hanging out a lot lately.  We went to the Rascal Flatts concert and had an amazing time.  Then we have spent the last two Saturdays together.  We went to an auction the first Saturday and this past Sat. he, Payton, and I all went shopping at the Legends.  We had fun and I miss Payton so much so I enjoyed the time with the two of them.  I am glad Jake and I are becoming close again.  I have seen a lot of changes in him and am even seeing glimpses of the Jake that I fell in love with 7 years ago.  I hope he does change for the better.  He is a great guy and I want him to have a great life.   I want to be happy and have a great life too and right now, I am not sure what that means for me but I am trusting that God is going to show me the way.  He will lead me to who and where I am supposed to be. Here is a little video that I saw at the concert and it is such a great song.  I love Rascal Flatts!  <3

Until next time,

Beck