I Won't Let Go

So I know it has been awhile since I last wrote but as usual I have procrastinated and let many things happen so that this blog will probably be one giant ramble of incoherentness.  Sorry for that.  Is that even a word or did I just make it up?  Anyhoo, the last few months have been full of twists and turns and ups and downs as is my life.  I have really been trying to focus on church and getting closer to the Lord and through this I see how short I fall daily.  I am so undeserving of God's Love and yet he gives it to me so freely.  I feel like I have wasted so much of my life worrying about such insignificant things when some are struggling to feed, clothe and house themselves.  I have all of these things and I take them for granted so much.  I have made so many mistakes and I have finally decided it is time to get over myself and try to have a heart like Jesus.  This I struggle so much with.  It is so easy to have a good heart towards family, friends, and even strangers in need.  It is not easy to have a good heart towards those who have wronged me, disrespected me, lied to me, are rude, fake, or do not have a heart for the Lord themselves but I have learned that those are the ones who need it the most.  I just struggle with this and being judgemental so much.  I am really trying to give it over to God because I know only he can help me overcome my failures.  
In other news, my sis was up for a week for Spring Break and that was amazing!  We had so much fun and I really enjoyed all the time spent with my family.  I am so blessed to have such an amazing family.  Crys and I did a lot of shopping and just hanging out and it was tons of fun.  Nothing takes the place of the bond that my sis and I have and nothing ever will.  Will and Amber are getting married in a little over a month and I am going to be a bridesmaid so I am excited about that.  It is going to be a lot of fun.  Grammy has been sick and I worry about her.  I hate seeing her down and not able to get around. 
Next topic to be updated:  Jake and I have been hanging out a lot lately.  We went to the Rascal Flatts concert and had an amazing time.  Then we have spent the last two Saturdays together.  We went to an auction the first Saturday and this past Sat. he, Payton, and I all went shopping at the Legends.  We had fun and I miss Payton so much so I enjoyed the time with the two of them.  I am glad Jake and I are becoming close again.  I have seen a lot of changes in him and am even seeing glimpses of the Jake that I fell in love with 7 years ago.  I hope he does change for the better.  He is a great guy and I want him to have a great life.   I want to be happy and have a great life too and right now, I am not sure what that means for me but I am trusting that God is going to show me the way.  He will lead me to who and where I am supposed to be. Here is a little video that I saw at the concert and it is such a great song.  I love Rascal Flatts!  <3

Until next time,

Beck

Snow Day Dance

So as per usual it has been a couple of months since my last post.  We have had a major snowstorm (thanks in large part to my naked snow dance) so we have had two snow days and will be having another one tomorrow due to the cold temperatures and wind chill factor.  I am enjoying the time off.  I love chilling at home and sleeping in.  I rarely do that on the weekends anymore so it is nice to do it.  I do miss my kids and my besties but I value the time to relax and hang out with my Barks and my bed!  In other news, my sis is having some health/stress issues.  I am really worried about her and missing her like crazy.  Two weeks of Christmas Break just wasn't enough time with her and Dyl.  I wish they could've stayed longer.  :(    I think she is coming up for the summer for classes.  I am so excited to spend the summer with her!    On the dating front, I am talking to a couple of guys.  I actually have a date with Reece the meteorologist on Monday and Matt the softwaredeveloper/IT  guy next Thursday.  I won't hold my breath but both seem like really nice guys which will be a refreshing change from what I am used to.  The last few dates--not so much.  Payton is getting so big.  He is growing so fast.  It makes me sad all the stuff that I miss out on now that I am not in his life as much.  I still see him most Sundays but I miss him a lot.  I went to Brewtop on NYE with an old friend --Tina Clauder.  We had a lot of fun catching up.  It had been so long since I had seen her.  It is crazy how you can lose touch with someone and then reconnect and it is like no time has gone by at all.  Granny hurt her knee pretty bad over Christmas Break.  She is still not healed and Dad and Mom are pretty worried about her.  I just pray that she does not need surgery.  Contemplating some major changes in my life---becoming a foster parent, CASA, adopting, or something else.  Not sure yet.  I am also still deciding what to get my EdS or Doctorate in:  Admin., Counseling, Sped., ..   Hopefully this summer will give me some clarity and I will make some decisions.  I guess this is all I have for now.
Till next time,
Beck

                                                            Payton Christmas 2010

Some videos to check out!

Blackbird -- Sarah Mclachlan---One of my fav. songs!



Children See Children Do---This video is so powerful!

Blackbird Fly

So much has happened since my last entry--lol.  I wrote that cause that is how I used to start all of my old college diary entries.  Anyhoo, I am back at work and have an absolutely amazing class this year.  I have 21 cause I just got a new kiddo today.  I have a couple of ornery ones but most of them are angels--this is my best class ever.  I feel like I am finally in the groove in Kindergarten and that Lis and Ry don't have to carry me anymore--lol.  I love the new Animated Literacy that we are doing for Com. Arts.  It is amazing and I am seeing great progress with my kids.  I have decided to have a student teacher next semester so I am excited for that.  I figured this would be a good year for it.  I am also contemplating going back to school for either my EdS or my Doctorate in Administration.  I know I can't believe I am contemplating becoming a principal.  Crazy huh?  Never thought I would say those words.  :-)  Lisa and Matt got married on Oct. 1st and it was so sweet.  I was so happy to be a part of that special day with them.  I am also so happy Lis found such a great guy who loves her as much as she loves him.  They are meant for each other.  :-)  Sissy will be here in one month and I can't wait to see her.  I miss her so much.  Church is going good and I feel like I am growing as a Christian.  I get to have Payton pretty much every Sun afternoon and I love spending that time with him.  It is amazing how fast he is growing.  I miss the time that I don't get to spend with him.  I have had a few dates--none good enough to have a 2nd date--lol.   My cousin Dustin's life ended tragically two weeks ago when he was texting and driving and was in a car accident.  At his funeral, we were left with two things to think about---1)  Know where you stand with God for tomorrow is not guaranteed.  2)  Don't text and drive.--Your life is too precious. :(   Nothing much else going on.  I am gonna post some videos in my next entry.

Till next time,
Becky

Invisible

She's standing on the edge of darkness
One step and she will plummet into nothingness
So easy yet so hard at the same time
A multitude of others left behind
All her hopes and dreams gone in a flash
Would they miss her?
She inches closer to her answer
Tears stream down her face
She turns away frightened at her contemplation
She can't even do this right.

One Crazy Happy Summer

I cannot believe that this summer is almost over already!  It is the end of July and in less than a month I will be back in the classroom with 20 something little faces looking to me for instruction and guidance.  Scary huh?  My summer has been happy, sad, fun, lazy, exciting, and crazy.  One thing it has not been is boring!  It started with my sis surprising me by showing up a week early at my jewelry party and then she stayed for most of the month of June!  I had a fantastic time with her while she was here.  Sadly June was also the month that we lost Granny Wheeler.  :-(  She fought for a long time and then finally left us to be with Grandpa on Father's Day June 20th, 2010 also mom and dad's anniversary.  It was expected and we knew she was in a better place but it was still very hard to lose her.  April and I sang I'll Fly Away at the funeral and I was proud to do that for Granny.   Afterwards, we all sort of slowly have drifted back into our lives.  Crys, Heather, Amber, Erin, Krystal and I all went to see Eclipse and I must say I am hooked on all that stuff.  Never thought I would be but I am..LOL.  Then it was time for Crys to go back to her new home in NM and I bawled like a baby all the way home from the airport.   I miss her immensely!   Heather and I have been going out all the time and staying out way too late.  Probably why I sleep all day--lol!  We go out Wed. for karaoke at Harley's and Horses and then Thurs. to Bar 12 for poker which I won last week!  Then we go to Aces or Brewtop on the weekends usually.  Good times! Mary is home from Europe!  I am so glad she had such an amazing experience and am so envious of her!  :-)  Sat. night Leeanne and I went to the MercyMe concert and it was awesome and then Sunday  we all hung out at Aunt Kelly's for game night and had a blast.   Tonight I had Payton and we had a fun evening of dinner, ice cream and mini golf.  Tomorrow I am going back to work in my classroom----Boo!  Then on Friday, Ty and I are leaving for NM to spend a week and a half with Crys and Dyl.  I am so excited!   I hope Ty and I do not kill each other on the 15 hour drive down there and make it safely!  ;-)  I also hope that we have a blast!   As for this crazy summer, it is also the first time in several years where I have actually felt true happiness!  I am happy to be free, happy to be independent, happy to be self-sufficient, happy to be successful, happy to be a friend, a sister, a daughter, a step-mom (in Payton's eyes),  a grand daughter,  a christian, a teacher,  just happy to be me!

Till next time...........

Hallelujah recorded by Beck | -MySpace Karaoke

Hallelujah recorded by Beck -MySpace Karaoke: "MySpace Karaoke video/audio recording of Alexandra Burkes Hallelujah, as performed by Beck. Watch it on MySpace Karaoke. Think you can do better? Record your version now!"